I hate the gym. Loathe would be a good word to describe it. I don't know exactly what it is about the gym that I hate so much, but having to get up early and go doesn't make me a happy camper. This morning I barely made it through my workout. Yesterday I only did 2/3 of it. Usually on Monday, I'm ready to get back to it after taking the weekend off, but this week, I just don't have it. I climb on the elliptical and can barely make a decent pace without exerting a tremendous amount of effort as if I was out of gas and running on fumes. If this was something that was fairly new I would pass it off as burnout and figure I just needed a break from it. But it's happening more often than I'd like and its been this way for a few years.
When I first started going to the gym regularly about 8 or so years ago, I was like a machine. I looked forward to getting out there on the floor and pounding the weights, enjoying the burn and the sweat. Same went for the cardio, I had no problem climbing onto the elliptical and spending 45 or sometimes 60 minutes sweating off the pounds. It seemed easy.
But the last few years? Forget about it. I have my moments where I'm focused and ready to go but they only seem to last 2-4 weeks before I lose my momentum and start dreading my visits again. Like this last time, after taking a week off at the end of June for vacation, I found my desire had returned. I felt energized and goal oriented and the morning visits to the gym felt good. I jumped out of bed and headed out with a good attitude and a head full of steam. I had changed up some of the music on my MP3 player as much of what I had been listening to seemed to be old and dull as happens when you are listening to the same tracks day after day, week after week, month after month and so on. But sure enough, by the end of July, I was feeling lethargic at the gym and finding it hard to get motivated. I still went but it wasn't uncommon for me to shorten things up or cut other things out altogether. The result? A workout that while still a workout, was not burning as many calories and feeding my guilt about my lack of effort.
See, that's the thing with my relationship with the gym; its based on guilt. If I go, I'm miserable until its over but then I'm glad I went. If I miss a visit, I'm consumed by guilt and thinking I should pay a visit in the evening to make up for it. If I go and do less than my full workout, I feel guilty and hate myself for everything I stick in my mouth that day. Its a vicious cycle. Why does it have to be this way? Why can't I just go and do less and be happy that at least I went? After all, that's what a personal trainer would tell you. You don't just not go, you go and do the things you enjoy and then leave.
But what if you don't enjoy any of your workout? I mean I don't hate riding a stationary bike, at least it gives me a chance to read my Macleans, but if I only did that for a half hour or so, I wouldn't burn too many calories. The elliptical? What's to love there? Cardio has to be the most mind numbing thing next to watching paint dry. You're indoors so there's no view except for the TV that you can't hear. And it isn't tuned to a certain radio frequency so you can hear it if you wanted to unlike most other gyms I've attended! (Solution? Change gyms but I have an MP3 player and I don't know if I could tune in the frequency even if it was available. And my gym is really convenient for me). Music helps a lot but once you've reached that point where you've heard all the songs on your system a thousand times, you start flipping past some songs hoping to hear something you haven't in a couple of days. And finding music to replace it? Very hard after a while. I'm always trying to think of songs I'd like to have playing but after several years amassing my collection of tunes, the well is running dry.
I don't lift weights anymore, I want to again in the future, but when I did and when I do again, it'll be a lonely activity. I don't have a lifting partner, someone who motivates you, pushes you and works alongside you. I don't know how much of an effect this really has on people but having someone else to do anything is always better than doing it alone. And when it comes to working out, you need someone who can push you otherwise you become lazy and complacent. And, my body hates lifting weights. It starts out okay, I work within my limits to get the muscles used to lifting again but once I start adding weight to push myself, inevitably something bad happens. My shoulder goes out, or something in my back pulls. It never fails. And I understand about proper lifting, its not like I'm making these rookie mistakes that are costing me in pain. I just don't have a builder's body. I could start lifting again and just be modest with the weights but my goal currently is to lose fat before I start building muscle so carido is the route I need to go. And I really need the calorie burn which you don't get from lifting weights. I know that I'll lose muscle mass as well if I'm not lifting but I'm so fixated on that stupid scale that I dare not lift weights for fear of seeing it hit 200lbs again.
So what to do? I keep telling myself to just suck it up knowing that while I'll loathe that hour and a half I spend there, I'll be happy I went. I just see that damn place as a prison and me with a life sentence. I'm not gifted with a high metabolism and I put on weight so easily its criminal. And its not an age thing, I've never been able to eat without gaining absurd amounts of weight. Even now with my healthier approach to eating, I'm still prone to gaining. It isn't fair. I go 5 times a week just to feel like I'm accomplishing anything. Experts recommend getting 3-5 days of exercise a week. I wish I could do just 3. But it just isn't in the cards. So I'll keep on keeping on, rolling out of bed early before work and stumbling into a near empty gym to sweat my ass off for those 70 minutes of cardio Hell.
Why won't someone just invent a damn pill already!?!
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