Cruel Summer

I hate summer. I used to love summer but this year just hasn't been fun. The weather's been bad, cloudy just about every day with terrible humidity, rainy, just dreary. I don't really have any plans this summer other than our trip to Niagara Falls in June. Its just a quiet boring summer overall.

But the weather notwithstanding, my biggest peave about this summer is that I can't enjoy all the food summer brings. Summer means chip trucks are open serving delicious hot and crispy hand cut fries and gravy, I love gravy. Summer means margaritas or some other slushie drink thats great on a patio downtown. Summer means visiting the hot dog vendor on the street for tasty dog while you roam around taking in the day. Summer also means ice cream. Big delicious cones served with your favourite flavours and toppings. Mmmmmm! But not for me.

To be honest, I haven't had much of a taste for ice cream this summer. Early on, we went to the local DQ for a blizzard and the cheap metallic taste of the ice cream turned both of us off. In fact, I threw mine up later after getting home, my tummy just couldn't take it. Since then, we haven't really eaten ice cream and that's probably a good thing. But last night we dropped into the drug store during our nightly walk to cash in some scratch tickets and I started rummaging through the ice cream freezer. What I found shocked me.

Drumsticks came in at about 360 calories, the Kingsize ones at 450, Klondike cookie sandwiches were 470, even the basic ice cream bar came in at 250. In retrospect, I guess I wasn't too shocked, maybe my reaction was stronger than it should have been because it was then that I realized I couldn't have ice cream this summer. It just didn't fit into the plan. Just like those crispy hand cut fries didn't fit, or buttery popcorn at the movies.

They say everything in moderation but when you're watching your caloric intake daily, its hard to find a spot for them. My day consists of a couple of apples, a pear sometimes, usually a banana, or two if they are getting too ripe and need to be eaten, and either a salad or soup for lunch. That can work out to anywhere from 600-900 calories just during the day, and that doesn't include supper and any snacks in the evening! Depending on what I eat for supper, I'm pushing 1800-2000 calories by 6pm. And because most of my day has been spent consuming foods that aren't very filling or satisfying, I get hungry. Now fortunately, I have developed a taste for fruit so my snacking would be grapes, watermelon, pineapple or something else, but its very easy to sit and munch on grapes or pineapple and not realize how many you've ingested. And again, they aren't very satisfying so the hunger comes back after a while. What to do?

According to the calorie requirement calculators i've found online, I need about 2900 calories a day to maintain my weight. I'm trying to stay around the 2000 mark give or take. Do you know how easy it is to rack up 2000 calories and still be hungry? I need more substansive foods, things that stick with you and keep you full so you aren't prowling the kitchen. Water isn't filling despite what the experts say and neither is celery. Fruit is, but it passes quickily leaving you wanting more or something else. Even during the day I don't feel like I've really eaten. A couple of apples do nothing, bananas are a bit more filling, salad is a joke and so is soup. And I eat Chunky soup! With crackers! By the time I get home, I'm starving and ready to eat.

Part of my problem is boredom. I eat when I'm bored. I also eat when I'm stressed out but I'm trying to curb that. But sitting on the couch watching TV makes it worse. We go for walks after dinner, sometimes we play video games, but we end up in front of the tube by mid-evening. Its an association I've learned over the years. My family always ate in front of the TV. And we were snackers, so it just became normal for us. To this day I find it difficult to just sit in front of the TV and not munch. Now granted, I'm munching on fruits for the most part but it doesn't take long for fruit to add up. We started buying those All Bran bars and Fibre 1 bars to snack on as we figured the fibre would be a good thing. However, each bar is about 140 calories and lets face it, not very satisfying although they taste great. It would be nothing to mow down on several at once. My inner fat guy would if I let him, and believe me he's almost won a few times.

This is why diets just don't work. You never feel full, or if you do, its only for a short time. Then what? I try to eat better, in fact, I eat better than I ever have and it shows. I am losing my extra weight but at what price? Frustration over not being able to enjoy some basic summer treats? Bitterness that I know this is my life from now on? Resentment that despite my best efforts, I simply can't learn to eat less and like it. I do eat less but I hate it. I hate not being able to wander on down to the DQ on a nice evening for a summer treat without having to cut out a few other things to make up for it. Is that worth it? No. So I suffer. Some people are fine with having just a taste, they find it satisfying and enough to curb them. Me? Not so much. I like to eat and dammit! I'm hungry!